Play Ball!

I had a dream and you were there. Comerica Park. Downtown Detroit. Was this a sign of where I need to be? Was it a reminder that you are always with me? Why did my dream concern a day at a baseball game, an activity we never did together? In any event the Tigers won and everyone was happy. I was happy, you were happy, my friends from long ago and very recent were happy; even my friends that claim they hate baseball. I am not certain this dream was about where I need to be - at least not in the physical sense. It was a reminder that you are always there for me, supporting me, loving me; no matter how badly I fuck up or how much you may never understand, you were and always will be there for me. And that was reassurance enough that I can make it through this difficult time in my life. Now lets hope the Tigers can do the same and this year actually win the World Series.

Siding Up to Seidlin

So yesterday my friend asked me to write him a mini-obituary piece regarding my thoughts on the death of Anna Nicole. So I took a moment and wrote the following:

Anna Nicole Smith’s death made me realize that the American public has an insatiable appetite for celebrity tragedies. Like many others, I too glued myself to the television for the first few hours and watched as they reported on her mysterious and troubling death. Also like many others, I have formed my own opinions about who should get her body, who her baby’s daddy is, and whether any of her supposed paramours were in fact money-grubbing enablers. But aside from that, I watch the Anna Nicole Smith story play out because I always rooted for Anna. Yes she may have been a bit odd, but Anna truly loved that old man; and she deserved his millions. In the end it was Anna’s quirkiness that was probably her downfall – a life of love and joy that ultimately brought shady people to her life and forced those that may have really loved her out. When Anna finally rests in peace, may we remember her for being larger than life, a beautiful lady that only wanted to entertain us; not some buffoon wearing clown makeup, purportedly on a “mushroom trip.”

It's All Right, I'll Be Fine, Don't Worry 'Bout This Heart of Mine...

Why is it that humans often become so bitter, so jaded, that they can no longer be happy for anyone else? At what point does one become so disengaged with other people's feelings that they will tread on them; just so that this other person must wallow in as much heartache, misery, and sorrow as they do?

I do not believe that I have become that person entirely. Last night reminded me that there are glimpses, and they are frightening.

I am ready to move on with this life. Time continues to go on and on, but I continue to spin my wheels, stuck in the mud that is my life in Bloomington. If the bitterness is already settling in, it can only get worse the longer that I stay. So for now I work overtime, I eat less, I socialize less - but I read more, I inquire about other career options or the possibility of going back to school, I save some money, I desire mor. At this stage that should be my core essence - developing a strategy for leaving Bloomington behind and starting my life. After all, my introduction in my blog does say that these are the rantings of a gay man whose life is in transition. Well it is time for the transition/transformation to begin...

A post for Valentine's Day

Today is just a day, is just day, is just a day. I could continue to tell myself this over, and over, and over again; or I can own the fact that I know that today is an artificial construct to encourage over-consumption and perpetuate the myth that everybody needs somebody - and that even though I know this, and you know this, the fact remains that I still want a Valentine to call my own.

This morning, as I rolled back over, the university having been shut down due to inclement weather, I thought to myself how great it was that I would be going to work late, but how much greater it would be to have someone there, lying next to me, to share that moment with. Sunlight permeates the blinds as bodies embrace; snuggled under the covers, the thought of just being able to stay in bed a few hours more.

Often I dream of similar scenarios with a potential significant other. It is almost everyone's opinion that I ask too much out of people to make them a perspective partner. My retort is simple: But do not they ask too much of me? Must I not have more hair, a better smile, perfect body? Why is it that I cannot ask them to have a better personality, razor-sharp wit, extensive literary canon; a touch of high-brow mixed with a touch of low?

If this is asking too much, I will relent. To this date in my life people have only diasppointed. But I will not relent, for I do not believe that I am asking too much. My Prince is out there, ready to accept me and my judgments for who I am; nothing more, nothing less. Until that day, I will continue to publicly disavow Valentine's Day, while secretly knowing that this construct has permeated my deeply cynical mind, leaving me longing for my prince's touch and the snuggling of a late morning spent in bed.

Why Paul Krugman is genius...

"Let’s not forget that the perpetrators of 9/11 are still at large, five years later, and that they have re-established a large safe haven."

Those were the words from Paul Krugman's op-ed piece in today's New York Times; September 11, 2006, the 5 year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. While we should remember the loss, pain, bewilderment, and myriad other feelings that flooded us that day, as Americans we also need not forget to be proactive.

History can teach us many things. Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it. But those who merely remember are also condemned to a life of historical repetition. Has the United States learned from this terrible disaster? In some ways many Americans have, but many Americans have not. Merely wearing FDNY hats and NYPD tshirts will not bring people back, and while it may numb the pain it does not solve the major problems that 9/11 exposed. Are our ports any more secure than they were in 2001? Not really. Are planes much safer? Not really. In taking preventitive measures the United States has merely attacked "rogue states" with loose affiliations to Al-Qaeda and other terrorist networks. These measures have proven both unpopular and unsuccessful.

Instead, Middle America has taken to institutionalizing fear and prejudice against all ethnic Arabs, and espeically Muslims. Now we have debates over whether our fellow Americans are patriotic; depending on whether they support the war or not. These are not fruitful debates; it is time to move past them. The real debate needs to be about how best to secure ourselves from future attack. The Patriot Act, war in Iraq, among other botched plans, has not created stability. Further instability in the world exists - just look to Iran, Hezbollah, and as Krugman rightly suggests, the continued presence and resurgence of Al-Qaeda.

Terror alerts constantly moving along the bottom of our television screens on all the major news networks only reinforces fear within American society. Let us not forget, but let us also remember this: terrorism does not work as an offense when those being terrorized do not live in fear. To this day, Americans still live in fear and not until we change that mentality can we start on the path to properly memorializing and moving past 9/11.

Keeping Michigan safe

As many of my friends and colleagues know, I would not label myself as either a Republican or Democrat. In fact, I most identify with the Libertarian political philosophy. Being a pragmatist I never actually vote Libertarian, instead usually voting for the moderate candidate that most supports individualism. More and more that voting ideology has led me to vote Democrat; though I probably better identify with moderate Republicanism - the Rockefeller, Goldwater, Nixon Republican party. That party has been abdandoned for a party that supports the wrong forms of big government - religion, espianoge, public sector projects for conservative-friendly businesses. Personally if I have to choose between two parties that support large government I will always choose the party that supports aid to the poor, scientific research, education, etc. and never the party that chooses to legislate and bureaucratize morality. A party that blurs the boundaries between church and state, funds government projects to ban or intimidate people from having abortions, spies on your telephone calls and emails, and never owns up to its mistakes. This is why I choose to support the Democrats in the major and important races in Michigan this election.

The Michigan gubernatorial race seems heated, and honestly I cannot fathom why or how. Michiganders have the choice to support the governor - a candidate that has started Michigan on the path to economic diversification, understands the importance of higher education, and does not believe in legislating morality - or her opponent that does not understand or grasp these concepts. Dick DeVos's entire campaign centers around Michigan's fledgling economy, an economy left in shambles by the previous governor, who apparently felt slighted when he failed to gain any further prominent national attention (p[erhaps because he could not deliver Michigan for Bush in the 2000 Republican primary or in the national election). Governor Granholm can only do so much with what she has been left to work with. Michigan's economic infrastrutcure must change. It is not enough for Dick DeVos to lay out campaign ads that inform citizens that he will revitalize the automotive industry when clearly the "Big Three" automakers continue to backslide, with or without the state's aid.

Furthermore, let us examine Dick DeVos as a candidate and as a person. Letting alone his socially conservative stances, let's examine his economic positions. Dick DeVos owns one of the world's largest pyramid schemes - Amway, Alticor, Axcess, whatever name it now goes by to avoid federal investigation. A pyramid scheme that pulled many of its jobs from Michigan and sent them to Asia, as profits there soared and labor there remained cheaper. Would you trust a pyramid scheming salesman to handle the economy of an entire state?

Second, Dick DeVos and his business associate, Jay VanAndel, have scores of money and influence in the western part of Michigan. I am all for people with money naming museums, arenas, public spaces, after themselves- after all they did put up the money for such a project - but when did it become acceptable for these same people to run a government AND propose that the state government's economy out more of its resources into geographic regions of the state that they enjoy influence and prosperity in. Dick DeVos's plan for Michigan's economy places much more aid into the economy of Grand Rapids and away from the current economic center, Detroit. In essence Dick DeVos is saying "I give up" on Detroit, and does not care if it falls into further disrepair. Grand Rapids is a prospering city, but that should not mean we turn our backs to our largest city and financial center. Furthermore, this clearly outlines DeVos's intention to line his own pockets off the backs of the electorate, as a private businessman in public official's clothing. The State of Michigan cannot and should not let this happen.

If you want Michigan to move toward economic diversification, revitalize the automotive industry, infuse the Detroit economy while continuing to build other areas in the state, continue to avoid personal matters and not legislate morality, then keep Michigan safe and vote for the only candidate that makes logistical and pragmatic sense; vote for Jennifer Granholm.

www.granholmforgov.com

And so it begins...

In this transition time, I have now decided to move to blogspot for posting my blog. I sincerely hope that I can be more creative on here, and still convey my thoughts. Currently I am torn between reading the two Edmunds - White and Wilson. For years a dear friend of mine has been pestering me to read Edmund Wilson, without much success. I have now undertaken To the Finland Station. I think that if the book were written today, it would be published by a university press and have a subtitle that read: An Intellectual Survey of Socialism's Outlook on History from Michelet to Stalin.

Today is a nostalgic day for myriad reasons. First, I was reading the NY times and found an article on the new East Germany Museum in Berlin.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/20/world/europe/20berlin.html?_r=1&oref=slogin.

I also visited websites dedicated to eastern Europe, and had a discussion about Prague's beauty. And if anyone reading this remember's the "Think Moldova"campaign, yes that was mentioned as well.

All in all, I have had a very kitschy and communist day. Perhaps I will really sink my teeth into Wilson tonight. But not until after watching Kaysar's betrayal unfold on Big Brother 7.